It’s not about us. It’s about you. It’s about how you paid a fortune for a burger that didn’t even taste half as good as a Big Mac but had been told it was going to be worthwhile according to some biased website who rates just about EVERYTHING as good and NOTHING as bad.

It’s about how you experienced heartbreak on the first bite instead of the promised words of “cooked to perfection”, “best ever”, or “orgasmic and succulent” as assured by some pretentious “foodie” whose only real purpose is to compliment every dish to death.

It’s about you being tired of it all and coming to us for what may be the only shred of truth left on the internet. Not because it comes from a food critic, professional chef, or culinary expert, but because it comes from a deliriously bothered entrepreneur, firm supporter of illegal firearms, and a stereotyped pervert who’s really just a misunderstood romanticist.

I mean, that’s what most people are like anyway. So we can relate. We understand. Welcome to Food Heist.

The Team

After entering the dining arena with the food arts he’d mastered in Culinary school, Enzo established a legacy, soon-to-be-dynasty, league of extraordinary restaurant chains.

Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for us, years of battling bad taste in other sub-standard over-hyped restaurants drove him to insanity and, eventually, into a writing frenzy of cut-to-the-chase no-bullshit food-review articles – a delirious yet tasteful pastime which we call today Food Heist.

Trading insider information on the stock market, politics, court hearings, and death threats are common in his everyday life. But Faisal says he has an even bigger problem nowadays – food that taste bad.

“Sometimes bullets taste way better,” says the crazed manic with bloodshot eyes. While there are no laws against bad-tasting food, he believes gourmet justice is a dish best served with a rain of bullets. Sadly for us, that’s illegal, so he designed this website instead.

A fun-loving guy and hard worker who has absolutely no interest in committing murder. He says his dream is to share the perfect meal with someone special and still breathing.

As a professional trainer his favorite hobbies include teaching, exercising, and finding the missing piece to his life goal: a dish people are willing to die for… not literally, of course. Since we were desperate for people, and mostly afraid, we decided to let him be the Editor.